My 7 year old son came home today and asked me if I'd ever been blamed for something I didn't do. He went on to say that he just got blamed for lighting a fire that he really didn't light. The Police came and he told them the story of how he didn't light the fire. Then the Police went to the house of the kid who was with him. The other kid told the Police they did it. I stood there and defended my kid in front of the Police. I went to the crime scene and took photos in hopes to find evidence they didn't do it. The my son told me they did do it. He lied to me and the Police and got me to lie to the Police for him. I am so very upset.
My son has now been in trouble with the Police THREE times - and he's only 7 years old. It was not supposed to be this way. The abuse he suffered at the hand and lips of his father has completely messed him up. He thinks violence is okay, and that he doesn't have to take responsibility for anything. He thinks he can lie his way out of anything - just like his father always did. It's been a year since we've been out of it, but he was in it his whole life until that point... how can I teach him the right way?
I hate myself so much right now. Staying in that relationship for so long was the worst possible thing I could do for my children. They are both messed up in their own way and I can't fix it. I have to keep trying to fix my ex's messes - and I hate that. He got off - with everything. He has had to pay no penalty for what he did to me or the kids, except that he can only see them supervised once a week. He doesn't have to deal with he did.
I don't know how much more of this I can take. I have court this week where him and his "girlfriend" are going to do a butchering job of me and my parenting skills and my life. I am not looking forward to it at all. I am just so deeply hurt by it all, and so deeply angry with myself.
I see no light and no hope at this moment.
Hang in there it will eventually get better. Your son is effected by the abuse, but is expressing his anger about the abuse and the chaos around him rather than trying to be like his father. He also probably needs to express that he feels responsible for the custody battle. It leaves him feeling conflicted and like he is betraying each parent. Counseling for him would help and get it now, so he doesn't have to wait until he is older.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you are not offended by my comments. They are just my thoughts and from my education and my experience with other children his age.
If you like hugs, I wish that I could give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on. Please remember to take care of yourself.
CC - I am not at all offended by your comment. I really appreciate your thoughts and input greatly. Please comment!!
ReplyDeleteI do like hugs, and could do with a shoulder to cry on most days. Things are challenging, and my motto consists of, "Survive Today".
Thanks again for your thoughts and care.