Hug Goodbye

I went to see my counsellor today for an unplanned visit.  I went there with intention, even though I was scared out of my mind...

I have been thinking a lot lately about my progress versus need to see a professional.  Every time I would even think about our upcoming session, I would get panicky and stressed.  I still don't know why this happened.

Anyway, today I went to see her.  I knew I had to "break up" with her and putting it off wasn't beneficial to either of us.  It was small talk to begin with, then I acknowledged that I was avoiding my reason for being there.  Finally I just came out and said it, "I don't think I need to see you anymore."  Her response was, "You were avoiding telling me that?" 

So, we talked about my reasons for coming to the conclusion that I no longer need to be seeing her on a regular basis, and why I was scared to tell her.

All ended well.  She said her door is always open for any time I need to vent.

I love her.

Just before leaving her office, I asked her if it was okay if I hug her.  She agreed.

That was the hug goodbye.

Priorities

It's been just about a month since I posted... and what a month it's been!!

We moved into our new place - and it's all good.  There's still a pile of things I don't have unpacked yet, but we have out the things we need to survive and I ask myself daily why we need the things that are still in boxes if we've already lived 3 weeks without them.

The kids are back to school and so am I.  It's challenging to be going to school full time and be a full time mom (even though the kids do get to go with their dad every second weekend which really helps me).  No matter what, there's always laundry, dishes, housework, school work and children work.  When I sit down and do nothing, it's not because there's nothing to do.  That's for sure.

It is tough to be alone and have to do so much.  It's hard to get back into the regular schedule with packing lunches (remembering to buy stuff to go IN those lunches), getting a supper meal prepared (when I come home tired from school, too) then spend the evening doing housework and school work.  Something will always suffer... I just hope it's the house work and not my schooling.  I really want to do this course and do it well.  I so want to have a career that I can be proud of and that will give me opportunities to help others and help myself/children.

I'm not feeling emotionally well today.  I feel like there's just too much to do.  So, I need to get my priorities straightened out now and my emotions back in check so that I can get on with this couse and life.  I also really need to lose weight.  That's a battle for me and I know that I would have so much more energy if I was at an ideal weight.  Here I am adding something else to my list...

1. Kids

2. School

3. House

4. Ministry (I don't really know what that looks like yet)

5. Lose weight

I want to be able to do all these things and do them all well, but I just can't see that happening.  What do I drop? Most people can only focus on 2 or 3 things at a time.  So, I guess the last 2 things will continue to be on hold for now.  What choice do I have?

That's all for now. I gotta try to do some homework.  It would suck to fall behind this early in the semester.