No More Children

I went out of town with my friend today.  The day started out just fine, and we were having a good time... until the ride home...

My friend, L, has gone through an abusive marriage, too.  So, we have things in common.  We rarely talk about the abuse we've endured, but we each know we understand the other.  I don't remember how we got on the topic, but today we started to talk about having children.  She told me she found out 2 years after she got married that she was unable to get pregnant.  I remembered back to me getting pregnant with our children, and how I was only 24 when I got my tubes tied.  My husband and I decided that 2 was it, regardless if our second was a boy or a girl.  So, when I was signing the c-section papers, I also signed for my tubes to be tied.

I pushed for my husband to agree with me that 2 children are enough.  I talked about the cost of raising children, that we both work, and that 2 kids seem to be the norm.  And, at least they'd have each other to play with.

What I didn't tell him was the real reason there was no way I wanted any more children with him.

It hurts so much to even think about that I can't even say it here... not yet anyway.  Maybe in time - could be tomorrow, could be next month.  Just not yet.